well, i see a few problems first off.

Code:
on *:ACTION:*:*: {
  ; Fix the *slap* -- the stars won't work unless its in the event call
  ; e.g. .. :ACTION:*slap*: ...
  ; secondly, group the or conditions.
  ; Either or I believe you want *either* the slap *or* the trout
  if (((slap isin $1- ) || (trout isin $1- )) && ( $me isin $1- )) {
    ; lets break this line up abit using the continuation character ($&)
    msg # hey $nick Your vocabulary is to categorical for a person $&
      of my intellectual ability to comprehend! So if you mean to insinuate $&
      that I will tolerate your diabolical provications you are thoroughly mistaken!
  }
}

on *:TEXT:*:*: {
  ; same changes, just on text
  if (((slap isin $1- ) || (trout isin $1- )) && ( $me isin $1- )) {
  msg # hey $nick Your vocabulary is to categorical for a person $&
      of my intellectual ability to comprehend! So if you mean to insinuate $&
      that I will tolerate your diabolical provications you are thoroughly mistaken!
  }
}


that should werk.. Just a few minor changes, thats all grin

-KingTomato