You could probably do something like:
Code:
on *:TEXT:*:*:{
  goto $1-
  :help me
    msg $nick I have no desire to help you in the channel, or in a pm.
  :free stuff
      msg $nick I WANT SOME!!!
  :error
    echo -t $iif($chan,$chan $+(>,$nick,<) $1-,$nick $+(>,$nick,<) $1-
}


But a proper switch statement in mIRC would be nice too