here you go

quickscript...
Code:
alias xslap {
  if ($1) {
    var %s
    if ($2 == 0) { %s = upside the head with a large trout. }
    elseif ($2 == 1) { %s = with a Volvo... that was clamped anyway so the driver doesn't mind. }
    elseif ($2 == 2) { %s = with the back of his hand. }
    elseif ($2 == 3) { %s = with a wiffle bat. }
    elseif ($2 == 4) { %s = with a Cat'O'Nine tails. } 
    else { %s = with nuclear warhead... }
    describe $active slaps $1 %s
  }
  else { echo 4 -a * XSLAP syntax: /xslap nick type }
}