i found a working code snippet by Andy Dufilie (^Andy) and modified it a bit. it downloads the index.cgi and renames it to fstats.txt.

Code:
alias download {
  if ($sock(socket_example)) {
    echo $colour(info text) @download *** already downloading; please wait.
    return
  }
  ; connect to server
  sockopen socket_example hyperboards.hyperboards.com 80
}
on *:sockopen:socket_example:{
  if ($sockerr) {
    echo $colour(info text) @download *** error $sockerr when downloading
    return
  }
  ; initialize variables/files
  write -c index.cgi
  unset %downloadlength %downloadready
  window -c @download
  ; request file
  sockwrite -n $sockname GET /index.cgi HTTP/1.0
  sockwrite -n $sockname Accept: */*
  sockwrite -n $sockname Host: hyperboards.hyperboards.com
  sockwrite -n $sockname
}
on *:sockread:socket_example:{
  ; if we're not ready to start writing the file (didn't get header info yet)..
  if (%downloadready != 1) {
    ; begin reading header info
    var %header
    sockread %header
    while ($sockbr) {
      if (Content-length: * iswm %header) {
        ; got the length of the file
        %downloadlength = $gettok(%header,2,32)
        if (* !iswm $window(@download)) window @download
        echo $colour(info text) @download *** file size: %downloadlength bytes
      }
      elseif (* !iswm %header) {
        ; got the header info, ready..
        %downloadready = 1
        ; because we've received some bytes from the header.. we need to offset the progress thingy a bit.
        %downloadoffset = $sock($sockname).rcvd
        ; ready to download, got content length.. so break out of this header loop
        break
      }
      sockread %header
    }
  }
  ; begin binary download
  sockread 4096 &d
  while ($sockbr) {
    if (* !iswm $window(@download)) window @download
    echo $colour(info text) @download *** received: $round( $calc(100 * ($sock($sockname).rcvd - %downloadoffset) / %downloadlength) ,1) $+ %
    ; write the data to the end of the file
    bwrite index.cgi -1 -1 &d
    ; read the next bit
    sockread 4096 &d
  }
}
on *:sockclose:socket_example:{
  echo $colour(info text) @download *** done downloading index.cgi
  ; rename the file.
  .timer 1 1 .rename index.cgi fstats.txt  
}


i then added this part to see if it works:

Code:
alias fstats2 {
  if ($read(fstats.txt, w,  *Total Members:*)) { /set %tm  }
  elseif ($read(fstats.txt, w,  *Newest Member:*)) { /set %nm  }
  elseif ($read(fstats.txt, w,  *Total Topics:*)) { /set %tt  }
  elseif ($read(fstats.txt, w,  *Total Posts:*)) { /set %tp  }
  elseif ($read(fstats.txt, w,  *Online:*)) { /set %om  }
  elseif ($read(fstats.txt, w,  *Last Updated Topic:*)) { /set %lut  }
  else { /echo nothing found! }
  /msg $chan Total Members: %tm $+ , Newest member: %nm $+ , Total; Topics: %tt $+ , Total Posts: %tp $+ , Online: %om $+ .
  /msg $chan Last Updated Topic: %lut $+ .
  .remove fstats.txt}menu * {Forum-Stats:fstats}
}


but it doesnt smirk

it outputs like this:

<user01> Total Members: , Newest member: , Total; Topics: , Total Posts: , Online: .
<user01> Last Updated Topic: .