Code:
On *:Text:!stab*:#: {
  if ($2) && ($2 ison $chan) { 
    describe $chan Grabs a knife and stabs $2 in the eye! 
  }
  else { 
    describe $chan Grabs a knife and stabs $nick in the eye! 
  }
}


I don't fully understand what you mean with the !help.

Code:
on *:Text:!help:?: {
  msg $nick How can I help...
}


That maybe?