Type /mode <yourname> and check if you have any modes relating to private chats there. Where I chat it is +m though it may be different where you are, or perhaps the same.
Just type /umode -M - you still need the +x to keep your full ip from being seen. You could set it to perform on connect so that you automatically /umode -M
Never compare yourself to others - they're more screwed up than you think.