I understand both parties, so I couldn't say if it's worse or better (an option to change the default button in those dialogs would solve the problem but it might be too far-fetched). However, if you don't like this you can use a little script to give focus to the "Accept" button. This can be done by simulating keystrokes with a command, so {TAB} is pressed and the focus changes.
Code:
ctcp *:dcc chat *?:?: if $appactive && $creq == ask { .timer 1 0 sendkeys {TAB} }
alias sendkeys var %a = skeys $+ $ticks | .comopen %a WScript.Shell | if !$comerr { .comclose %a $com(%a,SendKeys,3,bstr,$1-) }



/.timerQ 1 0 echo /.timerQ 1 0 $timer(Q).com