oh man, i couldnt even get $read to come back with a
* $read: invalid parameters

tried all types of things
//echo . $read()
//echo . $read(slap.txt,a,14)
//echo . $read(?lap.txt)
etc etc

even
/mkdir slap.txt
//echo . $read(slap.txt)
just came back as
.

i wonder what it was?