Well unfortunately, we don't help with that here, but I can refer you to someone who can help you out real good. If you are not in the US, I want you to pick up a phone and dial +1 800 232 2538 when someone picks up, say "Hi, I am a software pirate, my name is <INSERT YOUR NAME HERE> I live at <INSERT YOUR ADDRESS HERE> would you please have the FBI contact my goverment so that I may be arrested", if you are in the US, then please visit
http://www.fbi.gov/contact/fo/fo.htm, select the letter for a city near you, then find the phone number for that office. Once you find it, dial the number and when someone picks up, use a similar message "Hi, I am a software pirate, my name is <INSERT YOUR NAME HERE> I live at <INSERT YOUR ADDRESS HERE> would you please send an FBI agent to arrest me."
If you follow the above steps, you'll have the solution to your problem in no time at all, and you'll even have several years of free time to come up with a way to implement the solution!
